Normalcy

 

 

For some reason I like using green in my blog...hmmmm.  Weird.

 

I can't sleep yet again, so I thought I would get out my trusted computer, my beloved, glued to my hip friend and type what is on my mind.  So, many things floating around.

 

I watched the Passion last night and what a deep, embedding, spiritual movie that is and it gripped my very soul.  It always does.  It puts into action the suffering the Savior did for our sins, to save us for all eternity.

 

Do I deserve such a huge sacrifice?  When I think of the suffering of the Savior I shutter and weep thinking that HE died for ME, little 'ole me.  That to me is very powerful.  Think about it for a moment....He died for you too....He suffered such horrible things so you may live again.  And yet, knowing this, my testimony falters.  Why?

 

I struggle with this very question and the only answer I can come up with and it's probably a cop out is Satan.  The mighty power of Satan luring away the worthy saints into his kingdom.  Pulling the strong ones away.  Yes, I AM STRONG!!!!!  I AM STRONG!!!!!  I need to hear those words.  I need to say those words out loud.  I AM STRONG!!!! 

 

I love the gospel of Jesus Christ, I believe in Joseph Smith and the translation of the Book of Mormon.  How in the world could a boy of 14 with little schooling translate a book from a different language written on golden plates translate a book if not from God himself.  I ask you?

 

One of the things that Mormons do is when you achieve a certain age, using 12'ish you can receive a special blessing and in it it tells you about things that may happen in your life, the things God is happy with, guidance you may need, wisdom and love.  It's a sort of compass to steer you to your true east.

 

Mine tells me that my greatest challenge in life will be to make myself worthy to return to Him once again.  I have seen that in the past 50 years in my life.  I've seen my chart of ups and downs of inactivity and activity in the church.  I've seen long periods of times where there's is a flat line.  I've seen lines that have been up and down for months, sporadic if you will.

 

But yesterday was a new day, a new day filled with hope, inspiration and filled with the warmth of the tender mercy of the Lord wrapped around me arms as I sat at my piano and sobbed uncontrollably.  I felt it, I cannot deny I!

 

Will normalcy come back to my life?  I really can't say.  I hope so.  I'm tired of the way things have been.  I'm tired of fighting my testimony, I'm tired of being sick with my hip and back, I'm tired of Victor being unemployed for so long.  He has made his office in the living room and it's been so difficult to do anything.  You ladies know how it feels when a man is under foot.....lol  And he even has an office, but doesn't use it.  Go figure!

 

Anyway, back to me.  I'm tired.  My eyes are half open.  But, I need to write.  I need to let it all out.  I need to release it, because I've bottled it up for so long. 

 

What is normalcy for you?  Think about it truly, think about it.  I know you go about your normal daily activities shuffling kids, making meals, cleaning and laundry, etc.  But, what about YOU?  Where is your core normalcy?

 

Tough question huh?  I challenge you to think about it as I will and I will get back to you in part 2 of Normalcy.

 

I am Debbie and I was here