Tender Mercies

 

Tender Mercies

 

 

 

It's been some time now since I've seen or heard from my youngest daughter, Mallory and her daughter, Miss Sophie.  It was 3 years to the day on Christmas Day 2014.  What transpired on that day was an angry mother (Mallory) at her mother (me) because I didn't call first thing in the morning to wish my granddaughter, Sophie a Merry Christmas.  Instead, I called rather late for her and in the early evening for them on the west coast.

 

I had my oldest daughter, Meagan and her fiancé and my mother all here visiting.  I never forgot to call Mallory and Sophie, it just didn't happen when she wanted it to.

 

I hadn't had a Christmas with Meagan in over 10+ years and I was going to enjoy this time with her.  We were having a great time and a beautiful Christmas together.  Beautiful memories shared and beautiful gifts given and shared.

 

So, that very happy day turned ugly when in the evening I went to call Mallory and instead of hearing sweet "Merry Christmas's" I got an ear full I was not expecting.  I lost my temper and the phone call, ended with "you now have only one daughter".

 



 

That was the last word I have heard and until today, the last I've heard or seen of my granddaughter Sophie.  All grandchildren are special, but Sophie is extra special because she shouldn't be alive.  At 1 month of age, she suffered from Semolina poisoning, which led to meningitis, which led to a stroke.  She had a few brain operations and was told she would be left mentally challenged, delayed.

 

Mallory did her absolute best to give Sophie a normal life and not treat her as "special".  She expected her to do and say things all children her age did.  She acknowledged her weakness and made compensations for it, but overall Sophie wasn't as delayed as they thought she would be.  She was and is a truly miracle baby.

 

Tonight I sporadically searched the internet of anything related to Mallory and happen to type in Sophie's father's mother's name into facebook and up came picture's of Sophie.  I couldn't believe my luck and felt like I was intruding in on someone's space.  However, she wasn't private, she was purely public and all her photos and videos were public as well. 

 

So, I freely downloaded the pictures I wanted and watched a few videos.  That precious little girl who is now 5 hasn't changed a bit.  I can still hear her calling me Grandma and how I long for that now. 

 

As I saw here staring at her pictures I downloaded I felt the tender mercies of the Lord pour over me and was reminded of the awesome talk Elder Bednar gave in Conference so many years ago. 

 

He said "....Recall how the Savior instructed His Apostles that He would not leave them comfortless. Not only would He send “another Comforter” (John 14:16), even the Holy Ghost, but the Savior said that He would come to them (see John 14:18). Let me suggest that one of the ways whereby the Savior comes to each of us is through His abundant and tender mercies. For instance, as you and I face challenges and tests in our lives, the gift of faith and an appropriate sense of personal confidence that reaches beyond our own capacity are two examples of the tender mercies of the Lord. Repentance and forgiveness of sins and peace of conscience are examples of the tender mercies of the Lord. And the persistence and the fortitude that enable us to press forward with cheerfulness through physical limitations and spiritual difficulties are examples of the tender mercies of the Lord."

 

What I love about this quote is that the Lord will come, even himself, to comfort us through tender mercies.  I also know that in order to be able to receive such tender mercies we much have faith, ask for forgiveness for our sins and have peace in every dealing in our life.  We must be able to press on through all our challenges, with cheerfulness.  We must not let our physical, mental or spiritual disabilities stop us from receive the tender mercies of the Lord.

 

I have been bawling and crying and begging the Lord to bring back Mallory and Sophie to me, but I missed this one by a mile.  I did know that I needed to exercise faith, but faith was hard for me to come by in this particular case as I miss/ed my girls so damn much.

 

I realize now that the peace I found last Sunday in my piano room, the forgiveness I asked for and the heaven ray's that made the room shine like noon-day showed me a path, I had never seen before.  A path of righteousness I never experienced before.

 

Yes, I've been a faithful daughter of God and I've been righteous, but not at this level.  Not at the level a Daughter of God should be.  If that will bring home my Mallory and Sophie, then I will stand on mountains and be made whole.  I will be so righteous that I will blind the Lord with my own rays of sunshine.

 

Tender mercies were felt in this home today.  Happy feelings, loving feelings.  Justified feelings.  If nothing else happens for a long time, the Lord has given me some hope, something to hang on to until the next tender mercy, which may be Mallory herself. 

 

These are just my own experiences, mind you.  These truths apply to me and may be totally different for you or not at all.  For me, I need the blessings of the Lord to live in this day and age.  To live with having Bi-Polar.  To live without all my children and grandchildren. 

 

I'm happy to say, I have this peace in my soul.  I've experienced those tender mercies the Lord himself poured down on me today.  I am thankful!

 

I am Debbie and I was here...