Where do you draw the line part 2

 

 

 

WHERE DO YOU DRAW THE LINE?

PART 2

 

I don't feel as if I was able to get my real message across correctly in my last post about where do we draw the line, but I'm going to overlook that and go on to another aspect of this subject.

 

As I mentioned our ward was splitting and in our meetings today our ward really didn't split, per se, we just lost a few members and our boundaries changes just slightly.  However, we lost one particular family that my friend Ball is very close to and Ball is having a hard time with where the line was drawn.

 

I explained to Ball that it's just a line, that's all it is and they will remain friends regardless of the line that separates our ward's.  Ball cried.  I had other things on my mind and left Ball to make choices based on Ball's beliefs and not mine and went on to my own issues.

Thus, today's post.

 

I have been having a struggle with my testimony for about a month now, due to a legal issue between our rental property the missionaries were renting and Salt Lake.  I'm not going to go into the details, but the basic part is that the apartment was left in let's say - less than standard condition and a pending lawsuit was filed.  It got very ugly and Salt Lake got involved.  My testimony was shaken rather fast and quickly to the core as the pending law suit of my own church lingered in my mind.  As the weeks passed and no resolution was in sight and tension mounted on both sides, it appeared no compromise was to be resolved.  My husband and I were devastated and subsequently I sent a letter to Salt Lake Headquarters asking for my name to be removed from the records of the church.

 

I asked to be removed from all my callings and stopped going to church and all other promises that I had made.  I was bitter, hurt, angry and couldn't believe my own church was handling such a validated, documented case with such brazen language and attitude.  I was deeply wounded.

 

However, my husband, although, hurt as well in the process continued to strive to do what was right and continued to live according to the will of the Lord.  He did not push me, but led a quiet example.

 

I continued my rebellion, but loving visiting teachers and a loving Stake President, who also is a dear friend and his wife is my visiting teacher, loved me through it. 

 

With the months passing of my husband's unemployment mounting (going on 5 months now), still getting food from our church, the stress in our home was already mounting, now this bombshell hit us out of the blue.

 

I felt lost, and forgotten by a Savior who was suppose to be loving, caring and protective over his children, most especially his daughters.  I didn't understand why this was happening, I couldn't fathom it and I simply couldn't wrap my mind around it.  I sought the wisdom in my visiting teachers and their loving arms walked with me in silent.

 

As a child I learned to play the piano and throughout the years I have had many pianos, but my ultimate dream was to have a baby grand piano and finally that dream came true last Christmas when my husband bought me one for Christmas.  I find the soft melodic music soothing to my troubled soul and this afternoon I was in such a mood I went to my beloved piano and sat and played hymns that I hadn't played in a month or so.  I sat and played page after page and then I came to a song, not a particular favorite of mine, but one that grasped my soul so tight I couldn't breath.  The song was O' God the Eternal Father.  I rarely play Sacrament songs, because to me those are sacred, but for some reason this song bellowed from that piano like I was in a symphony hall and the room lit up and the spirit filled that room like nothing I've ever felt before.  I played it over and over and over again, until I couldn't play it any longer and sobs overcame me.  I was wracked with sobbing for what felt like an hour, but was really 1/2 an hour and I prayed aloud to my Father, asking for forgiveness, praying for comfort, praying for peace, praying for guidance, praying for everything in between.

 

That didn't end though.  The day continued and those sobs kept coming to the surface as I made a few confessions to Victor of some misdeeds I did to him that he didn't know about.  That was gut wrenching, but I did it and it made me feel better. 

 

Didn't stop again.  My heart aches so desperately for my youngest daughter Mallory that I just poured out my soul in anguish and despair in groaning sobbing to my father for her protection, for her to come back to me, for my precious granddaughter Sophie to come back into my life.  Oh, how much I miss them.  Tears.....

 

Well, the ward split meeting was in the evening, so I decided to go with Victor and I went with him and it was a good meeting, full of logistics and nothing major happened to our ward.  I had a chance to visit with the Relief Society President who knew the situation and she was happy to see me there and we are going to be visiting this week, but it felt good to be back in my church again.  Back where I belonged. 

 

I drew a line a month ago.  A fighting line, a line of defense, a line of anger, hatred, a line of bitterness and condemnation to innocent people who had nothing to do with this particular case.  In the end by drawing the line, I only hurt myself.

 

So, my fellow friends, Where do we draw the line?  We draw it with ourselves first.  For me and my line, it's gotten a lot shorter and I feel forgiven for my trespasses and my sins.  I have a small line left, but that's something that will be taken care of in time.  I'm ok with that.

 

Remember, it always starts with us first.  We can give the first punch or the first kiss.  Whichever you choose decides your new line.  I chose the wrong line and lost much, but in the end also gained a lot.  Why?  Because I was open to admitting my error.  I was open to accepting compromise, which is ultimately how the situation resolved itself.  I was open to allowing myself to remember that time I knew that this church is true and I was open to the spirit to speak to me through my music.  My music, my gift from my Daddy, my most treasured gift.

 

Wherever you are in your life, before you make a step across a line, make sure it's the right choice.

 

I am Debbie and I was here.